Your definition of success is probably not yours
I turned 38 this week, and while I was eating cake, my mind was racing and I found myself asking the question: Am I doing enough?
Aaaaand of course, the crippling anxiety started to show up but decided that was not the birthday gift I wanted for myself so I took the time for a little introspective adventure :
And here’s what I realized after 15 years of building a creative business:
The version of success I was chasing for the first half of my career was not mine. I was doing what I saw every other successful photographer doing. I was doing what the industry said mattered. I was doing everything on the never-ending to-do list given by mentors I admired. And I was mostly trying to do what certainly looked good on paper:
I lived in Paris. Photographed famous people. Worked with the best companies. Was part of the young trendy artist scene. I mean, this is the dream life!
And yet when I look at pictures of myself from that time, the only thing I see is how much I was wearing a mask. How much I was trying to fit into a life and do what was expected of me instead of who I actually was.
And of course I burned out so hard I sold everything, closed my studio, moved abroad, and swore to never come back! (spoiler alert, I came back 5 years later, have a dog, and more stability I have ever had, I live in France but not in Paris though!)
I think if I had listened to what I needed instead of what I though I should do, I would not have to just leave everything behind to finally find myself.
A few years and a few more forehead lines later, I am so glad I had that experience. But it is over, and not doing it anymore is exactly what triggered the “am I doing enough?” existential dread question. If I am being honest I was doing too much, and all-over the place.
Nowadays at almost 40, success looks very different:
Working with people who energize me, with mutual love and respect.
A regular income that doesn’t feel like a rollercoaster.
The confidence to say no to a project that is not aligned with my values.
Enough freedom to work from the beach next month if I want to.
Not having to do my make-up and still feel confident and professional.
Working less, but on what actually matters, with a nervous system that is not constantly on fire.
Enough time to enjoy a sunset or a forest walk with the people I love.
If you are working your ass off but can’t enjoy a sunset, what is the point?
So here are 3 things that might be find helpful that got me to me realign my life (beside selling everything and go live at the other side of the planet which I don’t necessarly recommend! :D)
Beware of the “SHOULD” : Every time you catch yourself doing something because you feel like you should : Stop and think! Where does it come from? Was it yours or someone else’s you absorbed along the way?
Define success FOR YOU : Nooo not what you have seen on Instagram, or what looks cringe good on LinkedIn, not what other creators are doing. What do you actually want, what does it mean to have an awesome life for you?
Honest self-Audit : Look at your client list, your projects, your weekly schedule. What percentage of it actually aligns with your own version of success? Are you still running on the old script? How aligned are you with what you value?
I would love to know where you are with this!
Bisous bisous, Pauline
P.S. If regular creation is something you are struggling with too and you want support, send me a message here or on Instagram. Let’s start an accountability group and support each other!
