Starting Again (Again): A Love Letter to the Ones Who Keep Trying
This morning I woke up feeling stuck in my pillows like
“Ooooh nooooo, I don’t waaaant to get up.”
Classic avoidance mode activated.
What was I supposed to work on today?
Ah yes : finishing my website update.
Not super fun, but not horrible either.
I drag myself to the kitchen table (aka “my desk”) and stare at my giant to do list.
There it is:
- FIX NEWSLETTER
Wait.
Fix… what?
What did I mean? How? Start where?
Gnnnnnhhh I don’t want to do this.
Do we even need a newsletter anymore? Who even reads those?
So I go on a noble quest to the fridge.
Then another mission to the bathroom (because obviously my hair needs fixing before I can fix anything else).
Then I make a matcha latte.
Then I realize:
Yep. Full avoidance. 100%.
I log into Mailchimp and see the 102 lost souls who subscribed to my list decades ago when I was still young and innocent.
And then the real punch:
My last email campaign a full year ago
Subject line : “Where you at?”
Ohw putain
Immediately, everything comes rushing back:
That was already me trying to make a comeback, after promising myself I’d finally take this list seriously.
And I ghosted them. AGAIN
Suddenly, it’s not just a bit of discomfort, it’s a full shame spiral.
I’ve failed. I can’t do this. I’m not cut out for it.
I’m too old. I lost my spark. I’ve tried already and I failed
…but have I, really?
Yep, I’ve dropped the ball more than once.
But did I actually have a real newsletter? Like, sent consistently?
Nope.
I just never really started.
And here I am, ready to abandon it again, before it even exists.
That’s the pattern. That’s the trap. To never follow through the things and not do them and thinking I am failing when actually I have not even started!
So doing things despite the shame, the fear, the discomfort, the history of false starts…That’s probably how we move forward.
Maybe that’s the only way.
I used to think I was fearless when I was younger, but honestly?
I was scared all the time.
I just did what I could with what I had.
And now, I know more and that should help me move forward! Not hold me back
Alright so instead of quitting again, what do I need to change this time to make it work for me? Can I change the system? Can I get help? Take a course? Use AI? Make it fun? Let's focus on the solutions and learn from the past instead of simply giving up
the second realization was maybe the fact that I keep coming back to this newsletter means it actually matters!
instead of dwelling on the past "I failed so it means I can never ever make it work" let's focus on "how to make it work this time"
What is this one project you have been too scared to get back to even though you though your tried it before? If this resonated, maybe it’s time for you to go back to this thing you abandoned too. You know the one that still matters, no matter how many times you “failed.” :)
Have a fantastic week everyone!
PS : Newsletter is coming... soon :D (for good this time!)
